


Remembering

by bbg17on



Category: Man in the moon - Fandom
Genre: Other, man in the moon - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-10-20 19:13:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20680499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bbg17on/pseuds/bbg17on





	Remembering

I can remember him so clearly. His smile, his hair, laugh. The first time he kissed me. It wasn't forced or cold or a job he had to do, it was warm, loving. I was surprised. As much as I told him I couldn't, my sister liked him, I felt this uncanny attraction to him. One I had never felt for anyone. She found out about us. She didn't catch us together. She figured it out when she saw me. She wasn't interested in speaking to me, not for a long time after. She loved him. That had been almost a year ago. I can still see the distain in her eyes. The hate. She loved him and I had somehow taken it away from her. Taken him away. 

It wasn't winter yet when I got sick. A sign of the season's changing I thought. I couldn't keep anything down. A doctor's appointment confirming it wasn't. It was the farthest thing from the flu. Morning sickness. Its easy to hide a growing belly with winter clothes but you can only do it for so long. People stopping me in the street, in the store. They are surprised to find out I'm pregnant. Wonder who the father is, I'm not married and to them its shameful. They are surprised my parents haven't kicked me out, disowned me. Its pretty common practice. Kick the child out, fend for themselves, foolish enough to get pregnant they need to grow up because they will have to be grown ups once the baby is born. 

Mom let me think about it. There had been so many things going through my mind. Uncertainties. Talking with my parents, I wasn't going to give it up, I was having it. They didn't question it and they didn't argue either. It was my decision. The future changed. College was the idea. I wasn't in long before I dropped out. I wasn't going to go to college and try and manage a baby. Again people were surprised, the boys were mean when we crossed paths. Taunting me, wondering if it was Billy's. The parents weren't !uch better. I didn't owe them an explanation. Any of them. I didn't need mom and dad to tell me that. 

The delivery was hard, mom came with me. Dad in the waiting room. Dani was still too young. A girl. I never discussed names with mom, dad or even Dani. I knew which ones I wanted. There was never a debate. Courtney for a girl, Court for a boy. I know he would have wanted it. He would have loved getting a room ready for it, for now it would be mine. When she gets bigger she will share a room with moms little girl. Looking at her sleeping in her crib, she has his eyes.

I don't know what I'm going to do for work, dad says there is no need to rush. We can survive on the farm. Court would have wanted that for us, he would have been out there gladly in the field. Supporting himself, supporting us. Having a baby would have been a surprise but not an unwelcome one. He would have done it with a smile on his face. I don't like having to depend on dad, him and them, to have to carry us. I know he doesn't see it that way, neither do they. Glad to support us, loves his daughter. I don't think he imagined being a grandfather this soon. He doesn't seem to mind it. We had been together once, as tough as this is, I wouldn't change it. 

What I felt for him was real, what he felt for me was real. She is a product of that. He would have dotted on us. While I was pregnant and now. Reading over my shoulder while I look at the list as I look at the racks of food in front of me. He would have been looking at her too. Adjusted her blanket, giving her his hand to mess with while I'm shopping. He wouldn't stray far, wanting to help also wanting to be there in case we need anything. He would have also wanted her to see her father loves her mother. It would have been important to him because not all kids have it. 

Dani has been helping me. I'm sure there are times, when she takes Courtney for a feeding, it's like I'm shoving it in her face, me and Court. Seeing me at the gate all over again. "I've got the meat." She informs loading the cart. "I'm going to get canned food." Walking off. The words are barely enough to pull me out of my head. He would have married me. Before or after the baby was born. He wanted to be with me. Its hard to ignore the last few minutes we were together. But he did. He would have.

My mind traveling back to Billy. I heard he got some girl pregnant. Not long after he dropped me off that night. Its the thing about small towns, rumors spread like fire. Sadly I don't need to question if its true. The sense of entitlement was all over him after the dance. Thought he could be with me because of his name. Who his father is, the business his father runs. Poor girl. Probably thinks she's lucky to have him and his baby. Tried using another girl taking the place I was in to get me to what he wanted. If its what he calls respectable I'm glad I missed out. Being shamed for having a baby with no father. Is it the same shame having a baby with a bastard? 

His mother left with the boys. There were too many bad memories here. I don't know if it would have helped her knowing I was pregnant or if she would have been sitting across from her and knowing it was his baby. I don't know if it would have been too hard for me seeing her and the boys here now or if it would have helped seeing them and knowing his family is there so he is here. I guess I could have left. Let the shame drive me away, get away from all of it. The bad memories, the gossip, talk around every corner. I stayed because I'm not ashamed, of myself, of the baby and I know he wouldn't be either. Court was and still is twice the man Billy will ever be.


End file.
